Never Say Sorry Again!

(Unless You've Murdered Someone)

You apologised three times in your last meeting for things that weren't your fault. You say sorry when someone bumps into YOU. Your texts begin with "sorry to bother you" even during work hours.

You want to speak with confidence. To be taken seriously. To exist without feeling like you're constantly in someone's way.

And with time, your voice shrinks with each unnecessary apology. Your ideas get dismissed because you present them wrapped in doubt. Your boundaries? What boundaries?

I get it. For the last year, I said sorry more times than I've taken breaths.

"Sorry, but could you please let me sleep for a while?"

"Sorry, I don't want to work right now."

"Sorry, I'm on my period, so could you please let me eat something?"

Women apologise 2-3 times more than men. The numbers don't lie.

This isn't your fault. This, I believe, is strategic disempowerment disguised as "good manners."

Before I moved to the UK, apologising wasn't in my vocabulary. My saying sorry was a big deal for my friends. I didn't do an apology.

But then British politeness infected me like a virus. Combine that with working on my relationship, battling mental health issues, and cultural shock — the perfect time for a change.

I took pride in my new "improved" communication. I thought: look how mature and considerate I've become!

Saying sorry became my automatic reflex. Something breaks? Sorry. Someone else messes up? Sorry. I exist? SORRY.

The problem started when I returned to India. I noticed something: Here, an apology from one person instantly boosts the ego of the person in front. Yes, think about it!

But every apology reinforced one toxic belief: my needs, feelings, and boundaries were less important than everyone else's comfort.

This isn't politeness. It's self-erasure.

But there's freedom on the other side of this habit. I've found it. And you can too.

The Silent Self-Destruction

Most people confuse politeness with self-sabotage.

They don't see the difference between accountability and unnecessary grovelling. Between respect and self-diminishment.

See, your unnecessary apologies are like termites. They seem small. Harmless. But they're silently destroying your foundation.

Each time you say "sorry" for expressing a basic need, you tell your brain: I don't deserve this. I'm inconveniencing everyone. I should be smaller.

And this is not just for your personal life. Your colleagues hear it too. Research from the Journal of Psychological Science shows that excessive apologisers are perceived as less confident and less competent, even when their work is identical to non-apologizers.

I watched a brilliant friend — a creative director who could outthink anyone in the room — sabotage her career with "sorry."

"Sorry for the interruption, but I had a thought..." "Sorry, this might be stupid, but what if we..." "Sorry, I'm late" (when she was exactly on time).

Her ideas were gold. But they came wrapped in apology packaging. And nobody unwrapped them. It was her responsibility.

When we talked about it, we made a "sorry jar" for her, she's now the head of her department.

The most dangerous part about saying sorry? Others become conditioned to expect your apologies. When you stop, they feel entitled to your submission. They get uncomfortable.

Good.

Their discomfort is not your responsibility.

What you need is Respect-First Communication.

This isn't about being rude. It's about communicating with the baseline assumption that you have the right to exist fully in any space.

When you make a mistake, you acknowledge it directly.
When you haven't, you don't apologise to fill the silence or ease the tension.

The greatest irony? People respect you more when you stop apologising for breathing.

The Solution

“Repeatedly saying 'sorry' can erode self-esteem and reinforce the belief that you are always wrong, leading to persistent feelings of inadequacy." — Journal of Experimental Social Psychology

Let's fix this. Not someday. Not when you "feel more confident." Now.

I'm giving you the 4-step challenge. Ready?

STEP 1: Become a Sorry Spy

For three days, track every single "sorry" that crosses your lips or fingertips.

Keep a note in your phone. Make a tally. Be ruthless with yourself.

At the end of day three, review your list. Circle the apologies that were genuinely warranted (you hurt someone, broke something, were significantly late).

The rest of them? Those are your targets.

Most women are shocked to discover they apologise 15-20 times daily. For existing. For having needs. For taking up space that is rightfully theirs.

But when you track your story, you gain knowledge.

Knowledge is power. Now you know your enemy.

STEP 2: Create Your Power Phrase Arsenal

For every unnecessary "sorry," you need a replacement.

Instead of: "Sorry to bother you..." Say: "I'd like your input on something."

Instead of: "Sorry, I have a question..." Say: "I have a question."

Instead of: "Sorry, I don't think I can make it." Say: "I won't be able to attend."

Instead of: "Sorry, I disagree..." Say: "I see it differently."

Memorise these. Practice in the mirror. They'll feel wrong at first. Do it anyway.

Words shape reality. Change your words, change your life.

STEP 3: Set a Boundary Without Explanation

This is where it gets uncomfortable and interesting.

Within the next week, you must say NO to something without explaining why.

Instead of saying "sorry I can't because..." or "I wish I could but..."

Just: "No, that doesn't work for me."

Then STOP TALKING. Resist the urge to fill the silence with justifications.

Your ‘no’ is enough. Your boundaries are non-negotiable.

The first time I did this in a long time, I felt physically ill. My hands shook. But the earth didn't swallow me. People didn't abandon me. And I felt something new: power.

STEP 4: Face the Pushback

When you stop apologizing, people who benefited from your submission will push back.

They'll say you're "being difficult" or "not yourself."

This is your moment of truth.

Prepare a calm, clear response: "I'm working on communicating more directly. I appreciate your patience as I make this change."

No apology. No backing down.

Remember, their discomfort with your boundaries is not proof that your boundaries are wrong.

STEP 5: What If You Slip?

You will. We all do.

The difference between those who break the habit and those who don't isn't perfection. It's resilience.

When you catch yourself apologising unnecessarily, don't spiral into shame. Simply say (to yourself): "That wasn't necessary. Next time, I'll say [power phrase] instead."

Then move on. No internal drama needed. Internal drama will cause a mess when you are trying to make a behaviour change.

After 30 days, track your apologies again. I promise you'll see a difference — not just in your words but in how people respond to you.

In the End…

Breaking the apology habit changes everything.

Your voice gets stronger. Your requests get taken seriously. Your time becomes yours again.

This isn't about becoming rude or inconsiderate. It's about treating yourself with the same respect you give others.

A consultation client, Priya, a freelance designer from Bengaluru, implemented this system when clients repeatedly demanded revisions outside her contract.

She stopped saying "Sorry, I can't do that without an additional fee." She started saying, "That's outside our agreement. I'd be happy to create a separate proposal for that work."

Her income jumped 40% in three months. More importantly, she stopped dreading client calls.

The thing i,s you deserve to exist without constantly apologising for it.

Your voice matters. Your needs matter. YOUR SPACE MATTERS.

Ready to break the "sorry" cycle? Start the challenge today. Right now.

Because the only things worth apologising for are actual harm, genuine mistakes, and maybe murder.

Everything else? No, not sorry.

To building and becoming,

Twinkle